Blinded
by Little Chiyo
Summary: Sirius Black is 20. Dumbledore tells him that his mother has passed away and that he now has custody of his nine year old little sister, a sister whom he'd never paid any attention to. How can he raise her when he can't even tell you her birthday?
1. He was all she had left

"_He was all she had left." _

Sirius was over at James and Lily Potter's house. It was a place he frequented more often than his own apartment. This day he was there for Lily's baby shower. The whole crew was there. Well, Remus and Peter were. Their crew was rather small. Sirius was laughing at some joke James had made when a loud crack startled them all.

Albus Dumbledore himself was standing in front of them. "Hello to you all," He said in his characteristic cheerful tone.

It took everyone a moment to respond. "Albus, what brings you here?" Lily asked. "Is everything alright?"

"I have actually come to inform Sirius that his mother has passed away." Dumbledore responded. "She seemed to have had a heart attack in her sleep."

Everyone looked at Sirius as if they expected him to burst into tears and start breaking things. Sirius shrugged his shoulders. "My parents hated me. You can't possibly expect me to become emotional over this news. She was getting old anyhow."

"Sirius!" Lily hissed at him.

Dumbledore waved her off. "I did not expect you to be upset, Sirius. Though, you should recall that your father and brother passed away last year." He said.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I recall. What are you on about, Albus?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore shook his head at Sirius. "You seem to have forgotten that you have a little sister, Sirius." He said, a slight tint of sadness to his voice.

"You have a sister, Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius rubbed his forehead. "Yes, Loan. She was born during my first year at Hogwarts." He said. "What about her?"

Dumbledore gave him a look as if he'd just asked how to spell Hogwarts. "She's orphaned, Sirius."

"How old is she now? Fourteen? She's old enough to take care of herself. I'm sure my parents left everything to her in their will." Sirius said.

"Sirius, fourteen is hardly old enough to take care of oneself!" Lily chastised him.

"She's nine, Sirius." Dumbledore said. "Loan is only nine years old."

"Well, certainly they have someone set up for this! She was an accident. My parent's 'most beautiful' mistake," Sirius said exasperatedly. "They must have prepared for this to happen, if it did. They were old when they had her."

"They did, Sirius. In case of their death, they listed Regulus as her guardian." Dumbledore said. "Which was fitting seeing as Regulus knew the girl much better than you do."

"If you're suggesting that I don't care about my sister…" Sirius snarled.

Dumbledore cut him off. "I'm suggesting nothing, your avid resistance to hear the truth is doing all the suggesting." He said. "In the case of the untimely death of Regulus, you were listed as her guardian."

Sirius was not given the opportunity to respond before another loud crack resounded. Severus Snape appeared with a child clinging shakily to his hand. She had long brown hair and eyes the same shade of silver as Sirius's. Her cheeks were tear stained. "Despite my best efforts, I was unable to calm the child." Snape said. He was carefully avoiding Lily's eyes. "She begged me to bring me to her brother."

Loan at first pushed herself closer to Snape at seeing all the unfamiliar faces. He put a comforting arm around her, rubbing her shoulder. "It's alright, love." He said comfortingly to her. It was a tone no one could have expected to have come out of Snape.

She looked up at Snape and then to Sirius, recognition then crossing her face. "S-S-Sirius?" She stuttered.

Sirius hadn't seen his sister since the beginning of his seventh year at Hogwarts. It'd been three years since he'd had any real contact with her; even then it was only a forced hug and a quick goodbye. Dumbledore was correct; Regulus was much better fit for this job. Regulus doted on Loan, she was his entire world. Sirius had hardly paid her attention. He'd never been close to Loan. This was not because he did not care about her. He just had not been close with his family since he defied his family tradition by being sorted into Gryffindor. Loan was born during his first year at Hogwarts. While Regulus lived solely for Loan, Sirius barely noted her existence. He realized, looking at her now, that he'd really missed a lot.

Loan detached herself from Snape and raced towards Sirius. She flung herself into his arms, sobbing hysterically. "M-m-m-mummy's dead, Sirius." She sobbed into his chest.

The sounds of her sobs broke his heart. He bent down and she wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder.

He stroked her hair comfortingly as he felt tears threatening to form in his eyes. This child had truly lost everything. He was all she had left, whereas he had Remus, James, Lily and Peter. All she had was him, the brother who had ignored her. The brother who couldn't even tell you when her birthday was. "Shh," He whispered soothingly. He picked the sobbing child up. "I'm here now; it's all going to be okay." He was trying to reassure himself more than her.


	2. Sirius Never Wrote Back He Never Did

*WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS THE SPANKING OF A CHILD. DON'T LIKE? DON'T READ.*

"_**Sirius never wrote back. He never did."**_

Sirius tucked the girl in. He wiped the undried tears from her cheeks and turned to Remus. "What in God's name am I going to do?" He whispered. "I don't even know her birthday!"

Remus led him out of the doorway. Sirius had inherited his parents' house. This was a good thing because he hardly had room in his apartment for himself, let alone a nine year old child and her wide assortment of stuffed animals.

Lily, James and Peter had left but Remus stayed. He knew that, "you can't do this on your own, Sirius." He said soothingly.

"What are you suggesting, Remus? I can't just go out and buy her a new mum!" Sirius said exasperatedly. "I mean, does she even like me? What are her memories of me like? They can't be any good. I never paid the girl any mind." Sirius began to pace then. "What does she eat? Does she wipe her own ass? Is she even potty trained? I don't know a bloody thing about the girl?"

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed and Sirius stopped mid pace.

"What, Remus? These are important questions."

"Why don't you ask her yourself then?" Remus said gesturing behind Sirius. "You seem to have awoken her with all your ranting."

Sirius turned around to see Loan rubbing her eyes at her doorway. "Hello, sweetheart," Sirius said tremulously.

Loan yawned and then glared at Sirius. "I can make my own food. You're supposed to supervise me when I use the knife though so that I don't cut off my 'damn' fingers, according to dad. I've been potty trained since I was two years old and yes; I do indeed 'wipe my own ass'." Loan snapped. "Since you asked, I would be more than happy to tell you what memories I do have of you."

"Loan, I never meant to upset you."

Loan pushed her hair behind her ear and walked forward. She held out her hand to Sirius. "Follow me." She said.

Sirius took her hand and she beckoned Remus to take her other one. Remus smiled warmly and took it.

….

Loan set the cauldron on the table and stuck the ladle in it. She smiled sadly at Sirius. "This is mum's recipe for hot chocolate. She adds just a little bit of spice in it. She made it whenever I needed cheering up." Loan sighed as she ladled out the hot chocolate in the mugs. "She had to make it a lot after Daddy and Regulus died."

She passed out the mugs and sat down. She looked over at Sirius and bit her lip. "You're right, Sirius. I don't have many memories of you. You weren't around much. I thought you hated me."

"Loan, that isn't true." Sirius started but Loan held up her hand.

She then began to speak, taking Sirius and Remus down a trip in her memories.

…

Loan's earliest memory of Sirius came from when she was five. She was standing on the platform watching the kids run off the train into their parents' arms and occasionally hugging or punching a younger sibling. She saw Sirius hop off the train and Regulus followed shortly after him. Loan squealed excitedly and raced towards them. She reached Sirius first, excitedly hopping up and down. "Sirius, I missed you so much! What did you do at school? Do you have a girlfriend? Are the teachers nice? I drew you a picture. Mummy said she sent it to you! Did you get it?" She squealed.

Sirius looked down at her and simply ruffled her hair. He then walked away from her, Loan staring after him, her eyes beginning to fill with tears.

Regulus then picked her up, peppered her with kisses, chasing all the tears away.

That summer, Loan followed Sirius everywhere. She attempted anyway to get his attention. He'd said many a curse word because she ran into his heels. The only interaction he ever gave her was to tell her to go away or to pick her up just to shove her in a closet.

Regulus was the one, who would rescue her from the closet, agree with her that Sirius was a 'big stupid buttface' and tickle her into feeling better,

It was this way all summer and once it came time for the boys to go back to Hogwarts, Sirius would have to be nagged to give her a hug goodbye. While Regulus would be nagged to let her go and get on the train before it left.

Loan wrote letters to both her brothers as soon as her father taught her to write. Sirius never wrote back. Regulus always did. He signed every letter with love. Sirius never wrote back. He never did.

The year that Sirius graduated Hogwarts, he left with his friend James at the station. He never said goodbye. He never even looked at her. Not even when she screamed his name. Regulus had to chase her through the platform because she was trying to follow him, to bring him back. And as he carried her back to her parents, bawling, she realized one thing he didn't say. He never told her he loved her. Never. Not even once.

She was certain though that one day he would come back. She hung on to the hope. She clung tighter to it when Regulus was murdered and their father died the same year…

Neither she nor mummy heard anything from him. He didn't come to either funeral. He didn't send a letter. Nothing.

Mummy never smiled again…

Loan had never felt so unloved. Loan had never felt so alone…

…

Loan's eyes were filled with tears again as she finished her tale. She wiped her eyes. "They told me, well that nice Snape man; he told me that something happened to mummy's heart." Loan said. "I think it broke." She looked into her cup. "I think she died of heartbreak." She looked at Sirius then. The tears quickly turned to fury. "You shouldn't have left!" She stood up and slammed the cup on the table. "You should have stayed with us."

"Our parents hated me, Loan." Sirius stated.

"_You hated us!_" Loan snapped. "They never hated you. They never did! They just disagreed with your choices! You blocked us out!" She said knocking the mug off the table. "You blocked me out!"

"Loan, settle-"

"I WILL NOT SETTLE!" Loan screamed, her voice easily going up an octave. "You abandoned us! You abandoned us when we needed you!"

"I abandoned no one!" Sirius snapped back, getting to his feet as well. "I was never welcome here."

"I had to watch mummy die and you were just laughing it up with your stupid friends!" Loan screamed. "I lost everyone." She said tossing the cauldron on the floor as well. "I lost everything." She took the ladle and tossed it across the room. "And now I'm stuck with you. You hate me!"

"Loan Lee Black, I swear to god, if you don't settle down…" Sirius began threateningly.

"You'll what? Spank me? You're _not _my father!" She snapped. Sirius was taken aback by the viciousness in her voice. "You're not even my brother! Regulus is my brother!" She was attempting to tip the table now, but when she found that impossible she merely kicked the table. "He loved me! He cared about me! He cared about mummy and daddy! You are NOTHING. NOTHING TO ME! Except for that stupid _BUTTFACE _that locked me in a closet for wanting for you to once in your bloody life to be an older brother!"

Sirius's mouth had dropped open. He didn't even know what to say to her. It was Remus who spoke. "Loan, that is no way to speak to your brother!" Remus said in a very forceful tone. In was very un-Remus like. Sirius turned his surprised eyes on Remus who was glaring at Loan, the look in his eyes made even Sirius's bottom twinge in fear.

Loan was unfazed though. "I don't believe I was talking to you." She snarled. "So, shut up!"

Sirius's eyes were again on Loan, though he moved this time. She didn't even have a split second to react before he had her over his knee. His hand connected with her bottom much harder than he had meant to but she had gone way past the line. She cried out, more in surprise than anything.

She kicked her legs. "Let me go! LET ME GO!" She screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Sirius bit his lip. "I'm being a brother, for once in my bloody life." He said and began to swat her in repetition now.

"Stop it, right now! Let me go, you jerk!" Loan squealed.

"Absolutely not, Loan, not until you apologize to Remus." He said as harshly as he could muster.

"No! I won't! I'm NOT sorry! I'm not sorry for any of it!" She screamed. She kicked her legs harder. "I hate you! I HATE YOU!" She said.

Sirius began to smack her a little bit harder. Her screams and death threats soon turned into tiny sobs, this into a wail, which absolutely broke Sirius's heart. He wanted to stop but she hadn't apologized. She reached back and covered her behind with her hand. "Please, stop…" She whimpered between sobs.

Sirius stopped spanking her and rubbed her back in soothing circles. "Apologize to Remus." He said, less menacingly but still forceful.

She sobbed quietly for a moment, seemingly considering whether it was worth it to be spanked longer than apologize to Remus. Sirius smirked, she was definitely a Black. He shared her stubbornness; he knew exactly how her mind worked. He swatted her once to convince her. She squealed and bit her lip, shaking her head slightly. Sirius let out a small laugh. "Really? After all that, you're seriously telling me 'no'? You're so," He swatted her again. "damn" and again "stubborn!" And again.

She put her hand back again, "I'm s-s-s-s-s-sorry!" She stammered.

Sirius pulled her up off his lap and stood her in front of him. "I'm not the one you need to tell that to." He said and turned her towards Remus.

Loan whimpered, rubbing her bottom. "I'm s-s-s-s-sorry." She said reluctantly to Remus.

Remus smiled at her. "I can't accept that apology without a hug." He said sweetly to her.

Loan groaned. "I said I was sorry!" She whined at Sirius.

Sirius pushed her forward, even though he saw right through Remus's scheme. Good cop bad cop and Sirius was the bad cop.

Loan sighed impatiently. "Fine." She said and gave Remus a hug.

Remus embraced her back. "Apology accepted." He said and let her go.

Loan turned back to Sirius. He opened his arms to her, but instead of coming into them, she burst into tears. "I w-w-w-want R-R-R-R-Regulus b-b-b-b-back." She whimpered.

"C'mere," Sirius said reaching out to her but she backed away. "Loan…"

"No!" She snapped at him. "R-r-r-Regulus NEVER sp-sp-spanked m-m-me." She whimpered. "I HATE YOU!" She screamed and ran from the room. About thirty seconds later, they heard her door slam.

Sirius rubbed his forehead before burying his face in his arms. "Have I ever mentioned that I never want children?" He mumbled.

Remus smiled at him sadly and patted his shoulder. "You did the right thing. She was asking for that. She was pushing you." He said.

"I'm never doing that again. Ever." Sirius snapped at Remus. "It broke my heart. Hearing her cry like that."

"Do you honestly think all that sobbing was from a light spanking? You gave her the emotional release she needed. She was holding all that in." Remus said. "If you hadn't spanked her, she would have continued to bottle her emotions until she worked herself into a depression."

"Light spanking? Did you see how hard I was hitting her?" Sirius said, a whine in his voice.

"You were hardly more than love tapping her! You just thought it was harder because of the way she was playing it up." Remus said. "She's sly, just like you are. She's really a lot like you, Sirius. Including that stubbornness," He said with a smile.

Sirius grimaced back. "Too much like me." He said. "She'll be a trouble maker, I can guarantee it."

"And you'll just have to spank her more often."

"Absolutely not," Sirius snapped. "I refuse."

Remus laughed. "Whatever you say."

Sirius glared at the door. "Should I go see if she's alright?"

"I think you've both had enough of each other for one night."

Sirius sighed and nodded in agreement. "Do you think she really hates me?"

Remus shook his head. "I think she's angry. I think she's upset. I think she's a child." He said comfortingly. "She loves you more than she wants to."

…

Loan screamed into her pillow and tossed her blanket at the wall. She wanted her mother back. She wanted everyone back. She also wanted to take back every word she said to Sirius. She really didn't mean them. She was just angry. She rolled over onto her side and stared at the stuffed animal puppy on her bed. It was a black dog. She had named it 'Tiny Sirius'. It was well loved; beginning to even look like it had mange. She smiled and hugged it close to her chest. "I love you." She whispered to it and closed her eyes.


	3. You're Everything To Me

"_**You're all I have left. You're everything."**_

It would be a long year, a very long year. At first, Loan wanted nothing to do with Sirius. She would barely speak to him and when she would, whatever came out of her mouth would end up landing her over his knee. It could only be expected that she would be resentful. He'd never been there for her and now he'd made it seem like he was forced into caring for her. Many things would be broken, many nasty words that were surprising and disturbing that a child could even know would be spat and many tears would be shed, by them both.

Even though Remus did frequent their house, she didn't want any more to do with him than she did with Sirius. In fact, she was even sassier and meaner to Remus than she was with Sirius. Saying she didn't have to give him any mind because he wasn't her brother.

It seemed never ending, like they were always going to be at each other's throats like cats and dogs. This wasn't how family was meant to be.

Then, the worst truly happened, the prophecy had been made. James and Lily had to go into hiding with their son, Harry. Sirius had denied being their secret keeper because he expected that Voldemort and his followers would know to come after Sirius and though she hated him, Loan was his priority now and he needed to keep her safe. So, instead, they put their trust in Pettigrew.

This was a mistake. For unbeknownst to them all, Peter was on Voldemort's side and betrayed them. Remus had been over when they had gotten the news via a floo message from Dumbledore.

Sirius had grabbed his wand and began walking towards the front door. "Stay here with Loan." He instructed Remus. "I'm going to go find him."

Before he could reach the front door though, the sound of small footsteps raced down the steps and Loan tackled him to the floor, wrapping her arms around his middle from behind him. He caught himself on his hands before hitting the floor. "Loan? What are you doing?" He snapped, attempting to get up but she kept her arms locked around his stomach. "This is a fine time to cuddle, Loan but I need to leave."

Loan only tightened her grip on him. "NO! You can't leave!" She whimpered.

Sirius huffed and attempted to gently detach his sister's arms from his waist but she was hanging on for dear life. "Loan, I swear to god, I'm going to hex you if you don't let go of me." He snapped. He was far beyond reasoning with her. He was far beyond reasoning with anyone. His vision had gone red.

"Hex me then, I don't care!" Loan snapped back at him, releasing him only to shove him with more force into the floor. "If it keeps you here, you can curse me! Just stay!"

Sirius took that opportunity to get up, knocking her off his back. She squeaked in surprise and pain when she hit the floor. "Stay here, with Remus." He commanded.

Loan shook her head violently wrapped her arms around Sirius again, this time from the front. Sirius groaned and pushed on her arms, rougher than he meant to. "Loan Lee, let me go, right now." He snapped and then pushed her off of him.

The fall didn't faze her; she got right back up and slammed herself into the door. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE!" She screamed at him.

Sirius pointed his wand at her and Remus gasped from behind him. "Loan, my best friend is dead and the person responsible for it is out there gallivanting around like it's the best day ever." Sirius growled. "Get out of my way! You'll be safe, Remus is here."

"I don't want Remus." Loan snapped. "I want you. I've lost everyone else! You're all I have left." Tears began to gather in her eyes. "You're everything to me."

Sirius bit his lip and slowly lowered his wand. "I'm sorry, Loan." He said his voice breaking. "Are you hurt?"

Loan rubbed her arms where bruises had begun to form. She shook her head. "No, I'm okay." She mumbled.

Sirius's heart had broken, shattered into pieces, he was sure of it. "C'mere baby," He said holding his arms out. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Loan gave him a suspicious look. "Promise you won't leave." She demanded.

Sirius shook his head. "I won't, sweetheart. I won't." He promised.

Loan flung herself into his arms, sobbing hysterically. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said picking her up and stroking her hair. For the first time ever, he said, "I love you, Loan."

"I love you too." Loan sobbed into his shoulder.

And for the first time since they'd been forced into each other's lives again, they felt like family.


End file.
